I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
