I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
