I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
