Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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