do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
