I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
