He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
