Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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