his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
