If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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