Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
