Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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