singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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