please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i came on her dog
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
