Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
