Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
