you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
