I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
