dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
vagina is talking i cant
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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