He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
