Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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