it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
