So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
