Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
