just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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