Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
