Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
