i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
