my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
