They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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