"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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