I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
did you just send me my own nude
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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