I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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