Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
