I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I could make wine with my vomit
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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