just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
