I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
