I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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