The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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