i would punch a child for taco bell
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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