I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
