I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
