he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
