My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
After last night, I could never be a politician.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
