I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
