well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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