i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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