So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
