She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
