just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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