someone get that fucking seahorse.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
