I got chris browned last night
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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