Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
