i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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