I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
