she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
