youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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