I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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