there's paper in my vomit.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
