My boss' voice literally gives me gas
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
