apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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