why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I love you. Go after that dick
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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