I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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