I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
